I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
