I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
