If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
