I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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