Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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