super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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