Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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