I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize