Me too!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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