You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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