i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
