So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
