the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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