It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
