When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
