maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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