hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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