While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize