Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
