thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think your dad took our porno
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
