one might say we're banned from that church
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
