This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
