I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He better not be in your backpack
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
