just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
