I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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Im part way to drunk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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