I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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