That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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