so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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