I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
