Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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