i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
did i just pee glitter
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
