I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
