I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
