Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
