why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
