No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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