i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
