i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
