Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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