Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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