Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
