Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
