My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
