I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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