i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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