Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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