he wants to bone in the snuggie
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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