4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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