i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
