ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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