Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
