Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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