It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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