This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
