I'm really into asian looking animals
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
