I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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