I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
