i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
