Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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