I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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