I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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