Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
