my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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