my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
