We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
