Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
soo... how was my night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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