I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
