can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
