yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
