it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
