Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
