The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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