how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
