HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
