I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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