i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
