i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
