my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
